Here is another great testimony of God’s Faithfulness. I met Torie through friend’s while my husband was deployed. We ended up getting referred to the same fertility doctor and developed such a close relationship spending countless hours going back and forth to the clinic that was an hour away for our appointments. A friendship I will cherrish forever! She also has a blog about her journey to mommyhood. Feel free to click here to check her blog.
Written by Torie:
I’ve been where you’re sitting, and if you’re brave and strong enough to read this I have to give you big kudos! I know the bitter sweetness that comes with reading other infertile women’s success stories. While it can give you hope, questions also begin filling your mind, “Yes you got your baby, but will I ever get mine?” “Will we have to pursue that extensive treatment?” Our stories may differ, but sweet sister, please know that you’re not sitting there alone, with your heart aching, looking for hope. I was where you are just a few months ago, and what you feel now, you will never forget.
Since I could tote around a baby doll, I was “Mama.” In fact, I’d be embarrassed to admit this face to face but since I have a gut feeling you could probably relate, growing up, I was “Mama” to my pet hamsters too. At least, I was Mama in my heart. For the thousand times you’re asked throughout childhood, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
My answer never wavered, a wife and mom. That was it. After graduating high school, I chose not to attend college because I couldn’t justify spending $40,000 on a degree that would take me away from my passion, my life long dream, and my future career as Mom.
A few months before our wedding, I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and my biggest fear of knowing I may not be able to physically bare children, became a reality. After our first year of marriage, my husband Noah and I decided to start trying to grow our family. I was thankful that we knew going in, we may have a long hard road ahead of us and I hoped that that would cut out a lot of guesswork if we didn’t get pregnant right away. Needless to say, I am all for proactive medical testing and strongly believe you have to be your own best advocate! Not long after we began trying I approached my doctor and asked if with my diagnosis we could be sent to a fertility specialist. We were told no, we’d still have to try for the standard one year requirement and if we didn’t succeed we’d revisit the idea. I was furious and honestly felt defeated when we’d only just begun. Doors were shutting in our face, but then by some miracle and the grace of God, a few days after Christmas we received a letter from our insurance saying our request had been approved and we’d be sent to a Reproductive Endocrinologist an hour away from home. With more blood tests, more ultrasounds, and a couple tests for Noah we were told our odds of conceiving naturally were a mere 5%.
In February of 2015 we tried our first medicated cycle a combination of Femara, Follistim, Ovidrel and Progesterone with half a dozen ultrasounds throughout the month. After a negative pregnancy test I’d start a month on birth control to get rid of the left over cysts from the failed cycle, before we could try again. We did this 4 times and with each consecutive cycle I felt more and more hurt, hopeless, and angry. Fertility treatments ruled our lives and I wasn’t any closer to earning the deeply coveted title of Mommy. The truth of it was, compared to most couples fighting infertility, we hadn’t been in the battle long. I felt guilty and ashamed for being so heartbroken so soon when we had close friends that had been at this for years. But these friends did something monumental, they validated my feelings and that was exactly what I needed. Whether you’ve been fighting infertility for months or years, the heartache is the same. For so many this journey is incredibly isolating. When we began to share our struggle, we discovered what an incredible support system we had around us, and oh how that revolutionized our outlook! We were struggling, but we were not alone! There were family and friends around the world praying with us for our baby! By July we had to move on and decided to try an IUI cycle with higher doses of the same medications. Our odds with IUI weren’t much better so we held onto hope but spent the majority of the month researching and preparing for our plan #6, IVF, in case the IUI failed. I liked having a back up plan and knowing what our next step would be, eliminating any chance to wallow after a negative test and instead move forward in hope. IUI didn’t work for us, but because we had prepared for that outcome, we were able to jump into IVF without missing a beat. If you’ve undergone fertility treatment, you know that you can only try one method for so long before moving onto the next more invasive option. Pursuing IVF meant putting it all on the line, setting aside our financial goals and taking on more debt. I never thought we’d have to go that far, but if it would give us the family we’d longed for, it would be worth it. God gave us 13 embryos from our IVF procedure and we implanted the first two embryos November 2nd 2015. We’ve never been filled with so much hope and so much anxiety.
God answered our prayers on day 501, one of our embryos stuck, and we will be meeting our sweet baby girl, Everlee Joy, this July! I promise sweet sister, if it can happen for us, it can happen for you. Keep knocking on those doors until God opens the right one for you.
6,000+ miles of driving to and from doctors appointments
Countless tears shed… To feel this sweet girl kicking me from the inside as I write this to you… totally worth it all.
“Lord you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.” Isaiah 25:1