Halfway to My Dream!

Wow! I am right around 20 weeks! How could this even be possible? Something that I thought was not in the near future for us or even at all happened out of no where and we are already half way through this pregnancy! At times it doesn’t even seem real. Like it’s all a dream and I am about to wake up from it. But then in the same breath, I am know it’s real. I know that God has truly blessed us with this miracle and am ready now more than ever to hold my little angel in my arms and be a mother. 

We halfway to the biggest life changing event to ever happen to me and my husband and we are on cloud nine. To summarize the first half of this crazy adventure here is a a quick overview…

-At the very beginning: when I decided to just take a home pregnancy test “just for the heck of it” and it was positive, I thought that I was going insane! I got another one just to make sure, and then low and behold, there it was clear as day. That was when I set out to find a OB as soon as possible to confirm the test. 

I found one that was covered by my insurance and the soonest they could get me in was on the fifth day after I took the at home test. This was a little scary to me because the last 2 pregnancies I miscarried on the fifth day after finding out we were pregnant. But it was confirmed and we were off to a great and healthy start! 

-Week 12: Up until this point, everything was uneventful. Checkups were good. Ultrasound good. Nothing to be concerned about whatsoever. Then while I was at work one night, I got a sudden sharp abdominal pain that I ended up leaving work early and went to the ER. In an ultrasound, They found bleeding in my uterus which could be nothing but could also be an early sign of miscarriage. This scared me to death. The doctor put me on bed rest for a week and my follow up was all clear and everything was back to normal. Thank you Jesus! 

-Week 19: Another uneventful few weeks leading up to probably the worst back pain that I have ever had in my life. I called my OB office and talked to a nurse and she told me there really isn’t anything that they could do about it. All the treatments that are done for that kind of back pain I couldn’t do because, you guessed it, I am pregnant. But, she did say that I could go to a chiropractor as a pregnant person and referred me to one that they send there patients too. And now, about 3 days later, almost no back pain! The Chiropractor said I had a displaced nerve that was causing the pain. Now the nerve is back in place and I am functioning once again. 

-Week 20: Week 20 officially starts this Monday! 5 months! Really! I can only give thanks and credit to the Lord for this gift. And I couldn’t be happier. 

Although the waiting was and is hard, I learned a lot in the process. About myself. About my husband and our relationship. About God and His perfect timing for everything. All those lessons I would not trade for the world. Going through the journey of infertility also brought me into a world that I knew very little about. That I didn’t really think much about at all. This community of ladies are truly a blessing and encouraging and I wouldn’t trade anything for the opportunity to get to know, encourage, and love on every person that reads this blog. Something I wouldn’t have if I didn’t go through what I went through.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want to yell and scream from the rooftops how excited I am for everyday that I have with my little one growing inside me. One day closer. One more day with no problems. It’s pretty exciting! 

Be encouraged sweet sister, as you go through your own unique journey to becoming a mommy and holding that sweet child in your arms, that you too WILL reach this point. After close to 4 years for us, I didn’t think it would even happen and it did. You are closer to your dream than you know. God is there with you to help you through and so am I. Don’t loose sight of that. 

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Love Another Day

Through the years of trying to grow our family, my husband and I have been very deliberate about still growing together as a couple. Doing Bible studies together, going on dates together, and just being in each other’s company whenever we could. A lot of times whenever couples go through infertility, they start to feel alone. All of their focus is so much on trying to have a family that they start to fade away from each other. Fading away so much so that their relationship, by the time they have their child, is only barley hanging on but by a thread. 

That is something I really don’t want to happen to you or anything anybody for that matter. The desire to start a family is real. The longing never really ever goes away. However, your spouse is a real person too. With real feelings. Real emotions. Real needs. That must not be forgotten either. 

It’s ok to just take it one day at a time. It’s ok to not feel like you have it altogether. But allow your spouse the knowledge of knowing that you are there for them as well. Bring them in on what you are feeling and ask them how they are doing too. Remember, it takes two to make a marriage work and two to have a family. Raising a family was not meant to be done alone. Although people do it all the time, it was not the way God intended it to be done. 

Don’t get me wrong, marriage is hard work. And by no means am I an expert at it. My husband and I have good days and bad just like everyone else. I just try not to let the bad days get in the way of the good days. Letting the good days overshadow and allow the bad days to seem like they are a distant memory. My husband brings me such joy and laughter everyday. He knows how to make me feel loved and cherished and that is why even on bad days I can still find the good in them. 

Go on dates. Do simple chores together. Take a weekend and get out of the house. Run errands together. All of these things can bring you closer and closer together even just doing the mundane day to day things. I know, I love it when we get to go grocery shopping together or even laundry together. We have some of our best conversations over a pile of laundry just folding away and talking about our day and how we are doing. (I know, so romantic!) 

Just remember, you are both going through the journey to a family together. You both just might be showing it differently. Be aware of that and just keeping loving each other through the hard days. Love is a choice and not a feeling. If your spouse is feeling down then there is a reason for that and just love them more those days. I am praying for you, your infertility journey, and your marriage. Don’t give up hope! Just love another day! 

If you need a few date ideas, check out my post “Great Night for a Date Night” for a few fun activities to do together. 

Kristin’s Story

Recently, I had asked on my personal Facebook for anyone willing to share their infertility testimony for the blog. Shortly after, I heard from a friend of my parents saying she would be willing to share her story. I met Kristin in my short time living in Hawaii and my parents are still good friends with them. Here is her story in her own words. Be blessed by this testimony! 

Kristin wrote…

Infertility….still not an easy word to write and confess having to struggle with. My experience with infertility started in 2009, almost seven years ago. Some days it feels as if it never happened to us as a couple and other days I still feel the slight pain of having little control over my own body. I would first like to start off with saying how brave and proud of Vanessa I am. She is sharing her experience as she goes through it and I never felt strong enough to do that during my own journey. I felt alone, lost friendships, and struggled with both God and my husband; why couldn’t I become a Mom on my own terms? But I am on the other end of the tunnel now and can say without a doubt, that God had a greater plan than my own. When Vanessa asked for other’s stories, I felt like I was ready to share what I had gone through in order to bring comfort to others experiencing a similar situation. I relied heavily on hope through all of our struggles and at times it is all I had.  

To introduce myself, my name is Kristin and I am a mother of two adopted children. I am an adoptee myself, and always had a desire to adopt, but did not know exactly how that would look. So that takes us to 2009 and four years into our marriage. Like many young couples trying to conceive, we were told to give ourselves two years of trying naturally before we started any kind of treatment and so we did. Then two years came and went and I felt like there was a problem, but I was praying it was all in my head. It only took one visit to a fertility specialist to get a possible cause of our inability to conceive. As a couple we were not prime candidates, but I will speak of my own diagnosis since it is my testimony to share. When we had our first ultrasound, I was told I have a low ovarian reserve. A low ovarian reserve basically boils down to not having a large supply of eggs (you are born with all you have). At 24, I was told my egg count looked like that of a 42 year old. Not exactly what I was expecting at my age, this also meant fertility treatments might not work. You have to have numerous eggs in order for many of the treatments to even have a chance of working.  

So fast forward to our IUI and countless trips to the doctor, our first attempt failed. It was the most promising, ideal circumstances for our first procedure. When it failed our doctor told us our only real chance might be IVF, but it was unlikely due to not having enough eggs to fertilize. That day he did say he was glad we were considering adoption and thankfully for both of us we were open to it. IVF and adoption are far from cheap and we had to pray about where we wanted our savings to go to. God was giving me the push I needed to make adoption our way to grow our family. Similarly to IVF, adoption replaces needles with paperwork, hospitals with government offices, judgment of doctors and other patients with that of social workers, birthing classes with parenting classes, and includes the same stress of anxiously awaiting the unknown while displaying an outer shell of positivity and confidence. Adoption may not be a child born of your own blood, rather it is a child chosen by God that you are meant to parent. Our two children are not perfect, but they were perfectly created for us. I know that without a doubt.  

How it all started…Brett’s side of our love story.

I had asked my husband to write his side of the story on how we met for the blog. And he agreed! Here is his story…in his own words…Enjoy!

It was one of those moments you may see portrayed on hallmark. It’s a story as true as it may seem cliche. I had stood up to ask someone, anyone, to dance. No, I wasn’t desperate. Though I didn’t have a plus one myself, I was at a social dance that featured big band tunes. Before I go on, I’ll preface a bit to help lend context.
Before my freshman year of college, I had developed an interest for learning how to swing dance. If you’ve never tried it or seen it, look it up! It’s a lot of fun!
 And no, it’s not all acrobats, those are aerial steps…fun! but not necessary…alright, moving on… 

Well, it just so happened that, when I was looking for a pastime, I came across an evening group class for Swing Dancing! Sweet! So I signed up, made every class, and I was catching on really quick. As a matter of fact, so quick, I suppose, that the outgoing teacher who was leaving the next semester, decided to hand down the class to me and a fellow classmate. Well, we knew that as far as we had come, there was a lot more to learn. That’s around the time I heard about Southern Fried Swing from my teaching partner.” A whole weekend of swing dance workshops and a vintage dance? Awesome!” 

Before I go on, I have to say that it is pretty incredible how God orchestrates our circumstances and no, I don’t believe in coincidence, mere chance. 

So, there I was, looking to invite someone to dance the song. That’s when I looked up and saw her from the other side of the room. A small crowd dispersed to unveil, undoubtedly, the most beautiful woman at the dance. Yes, perhaps I remember it more dramatically than what had occurred, but it’s my favorite version and my heart raced none the less. She was talking and laughing with a group of friends. She wore a vintage red dress, with lips to match and curls in her hair. It was complete infatuation at first sight, but you know the one thing I did not do that night? Ask her to dance! I know, I’m a wimp. I was so nervous, I didn’t know how to approach her. Timidness aside, it was a night I’ll never forget. The next day went even better though! We both showed up to the same morning class without a partner. And although most of these classes rotate partners, we got to be paired for the majority of the class. It’s even where we had our first picture taken together… 


Yea…we were kind of tired at that point. 

Well, that night there was a smaller dance at a studio that we both showed up at AND… you guessed it… I asked her to dance! We maybe danced half the night and talked the rest. It was another unforgettable night. Driving back to Fayetteville I knew there was something about her. I had even thought, “I could marry someone like that.” 
However, and please forgive me all of you romantics, it was months from then when we contacted each other again. That’s a whole other story. But I will say, it was a day after praying for direction and help in all of my relationships, friends, family, and, God willing, a bride, that I had received a message from this lady asking if I was ever going to come to another swing dance again. That lady was my now bride of a little more than 4 years, Vanessa. And as they say, the rest is history. It wasn’t long after her message that we had our first date and no longer than that I decided that this was the woman I wanted to love for the rest of my life. 

 If you’re a human being, you understand how challenging life can be. And if you’re a married human being, you can understand the unique challenges that marriage can bear, but I have to say (and I hope you would agree) it is so worth it! Marriage never worked out because 2 people “fell in love.” Marriage works because 2 people decide to love and with the help of God we have had 4 beautiful years together and, God willing by His grace, we’ll have many more! 

Well, that’s how it started. I could share more, but to spare exhaustion I’ll leave it there. That’s my side of the story and I’m stick’n to it!

Worth the Wait

This is a phrase that I thought I would never say when it comes to our infertility journey and wanting to start our family. After close to 4 years of trying, both on our own and with medical help. I was probably one of the most impatient people when it came to wanting a baby. There were many nights that I would cry myself to sleep thinking about the fact that I may never be able to have kids of my own. Also the thought of the 2 little angels that I had already lost in the process. 

This past February, my husband just got out of the Army and we relocated to Central Florida. We had decided that with the move, transition, and new jobs we would just take a break from all fertility treatments and not even try on our own. At least for a few months anyway, until we could get settled. But God had other plans for us. 

In March we found out that we were pregnant! It was quite the shock and I honestly didn’t believe it at first. It wasn’t until I went to the doctor and got it confirmed there that I really believed it. After that appointment, it all started to sink in little by little. 

I AM GOING TO BE A MOM!

The first trimester, to say I was nervous, would be an understatement. After loosing my last two angels at about 6 weeks, every day to me was a victory. I was even thankful for my constant morning sickness and vomiting, because that meant that baby was growing like he/she should. 

I am now close to 17 weeks and have just recently started feeling little baby move and kick here and there. Those movements and flutters make me just beam every time. The reality of what is coming my way is just a joy to think about. Every little change that happens makes me smile. I just love this little one more than words can say. And feelings those movements and going through these changes, knowing what is to come in the very near future made every trial and waiting period worth it. 

It was all worth the wait. 

No matter what kind of ‘waiting’ that you are going through right now, allow yourself to grow and learn from it. I know that for me, having to go through all of this waiting with infertility has allowed me to open my eyes to others that may be hurting in ways that no one really thinks about in the day-to-day. It opened my eyes to a group of ladies that could really use the encouragement, support, and prayer that I could give to them and to you! I pray for each of you every day. Every time I see another view that came across my blog, I say a prayer for that person. That he/she will find hope in our story and never give up on their dreams just because those dreams might seem impossible at that moment. So just know…

You are loved. You are cherished. 

And,

It will all be worth the wait!