Let me preface this post by saying, I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to share this with anyone. I wasn’t sure how I could handle it let alone opening up to anyone else about it, but I really felt the leading to share. So, here I am sharing a moment in time that I felt a little overwhelmed and had very conflicting emotions about…
As I have stated in a past post called The Hope Chest I have been acquiring baby things here and there for the past few years. Diapers, bottles, onsies, wipes, etc. Just whatever stood out to me at the time I was at the store. Having just recently moved into a new house within the past few weeks, I was finally got the privilege to unpack that box of baby things in an actual nursery for my little baby that will be coming this December! It was so exciting, after almost 4 years of collecting these items, I finally had a reason to unpack them and put it all in a neatly organized closet for use in the very near future. Then, a very overwhelming moment came over me when I came across these items pictured above…
You see, these were the little onsies we used to announce to our family that we were pregnant the last 2 pregnancies.
My heart stopped. My eyes filled with tears at the thought of what these tiny little baby clothes represented. I thought to myself, I would give anything to have those two precious babies back and meet them and hold them in my arms. But I knew that wouldn’t happen.
I sat in the nursery for a few moments just thinking about who those two babies might have been. What they might have looked like, talked like, laughed like. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. But then the words to a worship song that we would sing in church a lot came to my head and made me realize that even though there were times of sorrow and pain, the Lord brings joy through those circumstances. The song, you may ask?
Trading My Sorrows.
Some of the words that stuck out to me in this song go like this..
“I’m trading my sorrows
I’m trading my shame
I’m laying them down for the joy
of the Lord
I’m trading my sickness
I’m trading my pain
I’m laying them down for the joy the Lord”
*Then it goes on to say…
“I am pressed but not crushed
persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I am blessed beyond the curse for
his promise will endure
And his joy’s gonna be my
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning.”
For some reason, when I thought of these words it calmed me. Even through mourning the loss of these precious babies, I could joy in the fact that God has it all under control. That His timing is perfect. That I have a perfectly healthy baby growing inside of me with an almost flawless pregnancy to go with it. And, that those little baby clothes, will no longer have to hide in a box. They will be used by this precious little rainbow baby. And that brings me more joy than any time of mourning can take from me.
Huh? What is a rainbow baby? (Is probably what some of you are thinking right now.)
Well, I am glad you asked! 🙂
A rainbow baby is a baby that was conceived and given birth to after a miscarriage or infant loss. The rainbow in the Bible was shown to Noah as a sign and promise that his family is blessed and that God would no longer bring such destruction on the world. So, a baby born after a storm of miscarriage or infant loss, is a blessing from God. A way that He shows He will always come through on His promises. It just may not be in a way that we thought it would.
So, in everything you do, even during the hard times, always look for the joy that comes with the mourning. Always know that God has and will never turn His back on you. He loves you! You are always in my thoughts and prayers!