Ready and Waiting

Just over a week until my little rainbow baby will be in my arms! A miracle that my husband and I have tried for over 4 years to see come to pass will be wrapped in a blanket all sweet and ready for mommy and daddy cuddles. 

I am so ready.

I am “patiently” waiting. ( ok, let’s be honest, patience in this case is a little hard to come by, but I am trying! ūüėČ)

Our journey to this point has been full of ups and downs. Times of doubt that maybe we weren’t meant to be parents. At least not in the traditional sense. I questioned my motives, a lot of the time. Thinking that maybe I was just being selfish for wanting to have my own biological kids and not moving on to other “options.” But then I kept going back to a dream that God gave back when I was 14 that I was to be a mother. That would be my number one calling in life, to raise my kids to live for Christ. 

Needless to say, every time I thought about that dream, I would pick myself back up again and keep plugging away towards this calling that I had on my life. And God came through in the most unexpected way! And it was at a time in my life that I thought maybe I should just give up, just be a “mom” in a different sense. God truly gave us the biggest gift that I could have ever asked for.

I am ready.

I am waiting.

It was almost 4 years exactly from the point we started trying to have a family to when we found out about this precious gift we had been blessed with. That is a good amount of time in and of itself to be wanting something so dear. But, for me personally, my waiting started back when I was 14. I am now 28. 14 years of waiting, praying, hoping, and trusting God for something he had placed on my heart as a child. 14 years of knowing that it would happen…eventually, but not knowing when was the hard part. Seeing couples that just got married get pregnant all around me and I am still over here not knowing when my time would be. At this time..

I was ready.

I was waiting.

For pretty much any sign that God was even there to bring this dream to a reality. At least through all of this, I didn’t realize what was going on around me. How much I was growing. The people that I was meeting through the process. Friendship bonds that were forming with other ladies that were going through the same treatments, the same emotions, or the same struggles that I was going through. It wasn’t until my eyes were opened up to this around me that I realized that maybe I wasn’t as ready as I thought. I wasn’t waiting on God’s timing as well as I thought I was. I was wanting my timing not His. I took a deep breath that day and closed my eyes and prayed…

I am ready for Your will.

I am waiting on Your timing.

And my whole perspective shifted to God focused from self focused. From that moment until we received this gift, was a little over a year. So it didn’t happen overnight. I still had some waiting to do. However, this time of waiting was done focusing on my husband and our relationship and relationships with the friends around us. Now…

I was ready.

I was waiting,

In such a freeing way that I could not explain. A peace that was given to me from God himself. 

So, after 14 years of waiting on a dream that God had given me as a child, we are in the home stretch of receiving that blessing. 

Sweet sister, 

God has a plan and purpose for all of us. It may not seem like it all the time, but He does. There will be days of doubt. Days of emotional overload. Days of feeling like you are alone through this process. Know that you are not alone! God is there for you to call on and know that I am praying for you everyday. Never give into the lies that are put at you that you are not good enough, because you are! You are the daughter of a King in heaven and He has his arms wrapped around you all the time, holding you close. 

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