Since having my little rainbow baby around a year ago, watching her learn, discover, and grow everyday has been a joy and delight! Mothering her has really made me realize that I am truly where I’m meant to be. She is my world. Everyday that passes, I am more and more thankful and grateful for this gift that my husband and I have been blessed with.
In the almost four years that we went through the infertility journey, doing everything short of doing IVF, including different medicines, surgeries for endometriosis, and IUI, (Read This blog post for more details about our infertility story) I would sometimes think that maybe I was pursuing something that was just of my human wants and desires and not what God wanted. But then I remembered a dream I had when I was just 14, that being a mother was what I was truly meant to be. Back before dating. Back before marriage. Back before being a mother would be on my radar or happen for quite sometime.
At 14, in my young mind, I would think that if God had called me to be a mother that means I would get married right out of high school and have my first child within the first year of marriage and everything would go from there. My actual story turned out quite different. However, looking back at all that has happened so far, and all that I have learned about myself and life. I am thankful for it.
Being a mother is more than I could have hoped for.
Being a mother brings meaning to the love that God has for each of us.
Being a mother is tough and rewarding in the same breath.
Looking back on the years of infertility and the waiting that came with the process, there is a lot more questions than answers as to why God took us through that journey. I may never grasp all of it. Now, however, I feel as though I am able, as a mom to a rainbow baby, to help encourage and pray for other women out there that are going through what I had gone through in the past.
I will say, there have been days (surprising enough and although few) that I have wanted to throw in the towel and go back to being a care free and baby-less. I could sleep longer and have more free time to do what I wanted to do. I think I took those days for granted. The problem, is that every time I have a thought of how tired I am, or how hard a day is I look at my little girl’s face and see that smile and melt all over again and know it’s all worth it.
My perfect world I imagined as a teenager definitely didn’t happen. But, the journey I have been on and the lessons I have learned about myself and life in process? Priceless. All of which have brought me a greater fulfillment and joy in this gift of motherhood that would have probably not have been there had life turned out “perfectly.”