Here we go. The first of many stories to come of women that have gone through infertility, miscarriage, and pregnancy loss. Stories of everyday women that felt lead to share their stories for others to feel encouraged that they are not alone. You are not alone!
This is Michelle. We met through instagram and she sent me her story and I just wanted to cry. So much to have been through in such a short amount of time. But God worked some great miracles in the process! Read her story here and be encouraged!
Sometimes, when I’m holding my baby girl in my arms, and stare at her gorgeous little face, it brings me to tears. Tears of joy. But it took a long time to get her, to get here, and it took so much heartache, and tears of a different sort. Before I had my baby, I had four miscarriages. She is our lucky number five.
We started trying to conceive in 2016, after being married for two years, and after I had secured my first teaching job. We felt like we were finally in a place to try for a baby. I would eagerly take a pregnancy test each month because I couldn’t wait for my period. Ten months of trying went by before I finally saw those two pink lines that I desperately wanted to see.
Two days later, however, I started to bleed. They call it a chemical pregnancy. I was hurt and confused – even though I’d only known for two days, I’d already made so many plans. I was confused because I hadn’t even thought about pregnancy loss, it wasn’t something on my radar.
I got pregnant again on my next cycle. This time, we got to see babe’s heartbeat and I was sure this was it. But on my 30th birthday, we were informed that the heart was failing, and that we should expect to miscarry soon. I remember thinking that they must be wrong, that surely I wouldn’t lose another pregnancy. But a week later, I miscarried at home, at 8 weeks. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.
And so it goes. Miscarriage number 3 was when I found out that we were pregnant with twins at the end of the year, and both had strong heartbeats at the 7 week ultrasound. But both heartbeats were gone two weeks later, and I had a D&C in the hospital. I woke up from that procedure with tears in my eyes, because my babies were gone.
On my thirty-first birthday, I had another positive pregnancy test. I thought that this was it – this baby had to make it. Sadly, I experienced my fourth loss, another chemical pregnancy.
Throughout these losses, I was going to therapy, I was working out like a fiend, and I started antidepressants. I was in so much pain. I can’t even begin to describe the emotional toll it takes on someone, on a couple, to lose multiple pregnancies.
We went to a fertility clinic in the fall of 2018. I was a unique case – I have PCOS, but I was able to get pregnant. Just not stay pregnant, it seemed. My doctor prescribed some medication for me to try, and miraculously, on the first month, we conceived. And in July of 2019, three years after we started trying to grow our family, our sweet Sofie Rae was born. I know that all babies are loved, but mine is especially so. I am so grateful to have her in my life, so grateful to hold her in my arms, that it brings me to tears. The happiest kind of tears.
I share my story because I remember feeling so alone and so lost during this journey. And I don’t want anyone to ever feel that way. If you ever want to talk, or ask questions, or vent, you can find me on Instagram @elephantsandrainbows.