Welcome back to another Testimony Tuesday! The story this week is about how the heartache of a miscarriage led to a beautiful adoption. Through the heartache and pain, God still blessed this couple with a beautiful addition that is such a blessing. Please enjoy reading Erin’s story and be encouraged by her.
My Story: Erin Scheibe
In 2016 my son was born. It was a joyous occasion amidst a time of grief for my family. My grandmother died 3 weeks before his birth, and my mother-in-law a month after. Our family is no stranger to grief or loss. His conception was earlier than expected and the pregnancy easy, I know, that’s not what you thought you’d read but it’s the truth. I firmly believe that the Lord knew my son’s Grandmother needed to meet her grandson before she died and he made sure it happened.
In 2018, we felt it was time to expand our family. We always knew we wanted multiple kids (I want 4…he wants 2…we’ll see what happens 😉) and we knew our son with a servant’s heart would be an incredible brother. After several months of trying I went to my OB, the incredible and amazing Dr. Poppy Daniels, and had my hormones checked. I remember her exact words “Erin, with these levels, it isn’t a matter of carrying to term, it’s a matter of conceiving at all. This may not be so easy this go around.” I was devastated but determined. With a regimen of progesterone we kept trying.
Right around the point where we would have been considered a secondary infertility case, we got pregnant! My grandfather had just died, and my grandmother on the other side of the family was very sick (with death comes life is a lesson we’ve been reminded of often). It was a rocky pregnancy from the start. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I was on high levels of progesterone and having my bloodwork drawn 2-3 times per week. At 6 weeks we had an ultrasound and saw the most beautiful, strong heartbeat imaginable. We felt great! I kept up the progesterone, got the bloodwork, and were cautiously optimistic. The night before Thanksgiving, at 10 weeks, my body showed the first signs of a miscarriage. I spent all of Thanksgiving in bed, crying, and talking on the phone to my OB and nurse. On Black Friday, we had an ultrasound which confirmed what my body was already signaling. We sat outside the ultrasound office for an hour, crying, calling family, my boss, and friends. Then we went to the mall and bought a new laptop (grief shopping is real folks).
For 3 days I sat at home watching Hallmark movies, eating brownies, and being taken care of by remarkable and lifelong friends and family. Sunday was the first day we had alone as a family, and it was the day my body processed the miscarriage. I will never forget that time, and I will be forever grateful for it. As my body began to process, there was pain. I had an all-natural labor at a birth center with my son and so when the pains started a familiar sensation overcame me. At one point during the pain’s ebb and flow I realized that what I was feeling was a minor contraction. It occurred to me that I was going through LABOR! At that moment everything about this loss changed…I was changed. My mindset went from one of hopelessness to one of strength and determination. I began to think ‘I can do this, it’s going to be ok, I know what this is.’ I knew that I would never have a birthday, graduation, or wedding with this child but to this day I cherish the fact that I had the privilege of laboring with this baby. An honor that no on else would ever get.
The day ended, my husband and I cried, said our goodbyes, and the baby was gone. I returned to school a few days later to the loving embrace of all my students and colleagues. As the months went by my body healed. My heart is still healing. I cried on my son’s birthday, sad I wasn’t going to get that time with our baby. I cried holding my best friend’s baby, apologizing to her that I couldn’t give her a best friend for life. In the year since a lot has changed. My husband and I felt the calling to adopt instead of welcoming a child home biologically. The process was swift and the Lord blessed us in ways that would require 16 more blog posts. We held our beautiful daughter, Izabella Faith (Promise of God) for the first time 5 hours after she was born on July 13, 2019. The most remarkable miracle in this is that when you look at our daughter’s due date, the week our dear heavenly baby’s heart beat its last is the very same week Izzy’s life was conceived.
In Isaiah 61:3, the Lord promises beauty from ashes. Never was this more prevalent in my life than during the fall of 2018. Through the physical pain and emotional, the Lord sent constant reminders of his presence, love, and a lesson that sometimes, beauty lies within the ashes. I have felt no greater pain than that of losing my child. I have also never experienced a more poignant reminder of God’s grace, love and mercy. Miscarriage can change the very fabric of a person. Everyone’s story is different and everyone processes in a very personal way. If you have experienced 1 in 4 pregnancies, or more, find support, and don’t be afraid to reach out. So many process alone, but we are stronger when we are united as one.