Kim’s Story: Secondary Infertility 

Time for another testimony through infertility. This time, secondary infertility. Kim and I met in collage and have stayed in touch through the years. I hope that her story will encourage anyone out there who may have a similar story to not give up and keep trusting that God will hear your prayers in the perfect timing. 


Written by Kim:

My husband and I have been married 7 years, 7, Wow REALLY? Sometimes I can’t believe it’s only been 7 years. We’ve been through a myriad of struggles, and health concerns in just 7 short years. In those 7 years my husband lost his brother, had a stroke, we lost a child due to miscarriage and learned that we will likely not be able to have any more children, well naturally that is. We have one daughter that was born in 2012 she is, spunky, fiery and so smart, I am in awe that she is as smart as she is, at such a young age. When we got married I always knew we would adopt, but I didn’t know that it would become one of our only options at such a young age and that I would be facing secondary infertility, the inability to have children after one child, at all.

So lets start at the beginning, We got married in 2010, YAY! It was a wonderful wedding followed by a fabulous year of us. I found out I was pregnant on our 1st anniversary trip around Pennsylvania to visit family and to show off my home state, which is the BEST. We were thrilled, well beyond thrilled, I couldn’t wait to welcome our little girl into the world. She was born a health but tiny 4 pounds 7 oz she was a spitfire from the start. I was so excited to have her, and since I was able to stay home with her J and I decided to keep our kiddos close together and we started trying not to prevent pregnancy when she was 6 months old. I figured it would happen within the first 6 months or so, like it did the first time, well it didn’t but we found ourselves in the hospital that Jan 1st J had a stroke New Years Eve and he was in the ICU for about a week relearning to walk, and talk. We were so lucky, his stroke was minor but it was caused by high blood pressure, which apparently he had for quite some time, but never was treated. So we were now treating his blood pressure and his heart anomalies and we were good back to baby #2. On Jan 1st of the next year we found ourselves in the hospital again, I was miscarrying and we were crushed. 

Fast Forward to now we have been trying for almost 5 years for baby #2, we decided to enter a clinical trial to help us get some of our fertility testing done so we wouldn’t have to pay out of pocket so much. Man, fertility treatments and testing are outrageously expensive, what the heck people!! Anyway we found out that some of the medications are affecting J’s count, and it has become almost non-existent, in that there are very few if any alive and most of those don’t move. So alright lets talk to our GP he can change up the medications and no worries we’ll be cracking. The GP where he is nice and very understanding, he had some pretty bad news for us. The medication causing the problems not one we can discontinue, likely ever with J’s family medical history and the stroke. 

So lets talk about the serious blow this was. I mean I don’t know any other words to describe it than I lost hope, all of it, I cried, I blamed God, I even felt like a total failure. I kept thinking wow maybe I am not a good enough mom and that’s why we can’t have another baby, maybe I am being punished for something, maybe God has just forgotten me, and to be honest these thought still creep up A LOT! It is so hard to have faith when we’ve been waiting, for an adoption for 3 years or anther pregnancy for 5. It’s also hard to confide in others, because most people don’t really know what to say, or they say really hurtful/unhelpful things, especially since we already have one child. I hear most often, mostly from women who are suffering from traditional infertility, you have one just be happy with her, don’t you know we can’t have any. I know I am blessed with E she is seriously the best thing I have ever done but it doesn’t erase the desire to see her grow up with siblings. We’ve always wanted at least 4 kiddos, and I am still hopeful we will adopt several, or have a few more. I find on my hardest days to tell God exactly how I am feeling, when J lost his brother he said the most helpful was to tell God he was mad, upset, and angry about what happened. That has been the most helpful thing to me as well. Also saying NO, to things I am not ready for, sometimes it’s a baby shower, or holding someone’s baby or even tv shows. Also telling people when they say something hurtful or unhelpful, my mom whom I love to death, has told me ‘maybe it’s just not your time.’ where is maybe right that is so unhelpful and it can be hard to have to tell our loved ones, please don’t say that, it will be better for everyone’s sanity if you do.   

 

This whole thing has been a hard one to come to grips with, but I think I am finally ready to say I am suffering from secondary infertility but I will not allow that to steal my joy. My joy in motherhood, my joy in my marriage, my joy in my Savior, or my joy in my everyday life. God truly does know our storm, and knows how to calm our fears, doubts, and hurts. He knows and is always with us.

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For Every Woman


I reached out to a sweet friend from college, Mindy, and asked her to guest post on my blog. What I got back was something written so beautifully that it really doesn’t need much introduction except that I believe that every woman out there, whether or not you struggle with infertility or not, should read it. Be encouraged. So, without further ado…

In Mindy’s words…

They say 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. That’s 2 in 10 women. 

Friends, that’s a lot. 

As a little girl I dreamed of one day being 3 things. A Jesus follower, a wife and a mother.

I’ve served Jesus since I was 5. I was married at 20. My first baby came when I was 24. My second baby came when I was 27. I’m currently carrying my third due in 4.5 months…I’ll be 29. 

Jesus. A husband and 3 babies. 

Although challenging days come, I can’t express how thankful I am. In fact, “thankfulness” is the theme of this pregnancy.

Because, I’ve had friends whose stories have been unlike mine. The dreams they carried didn’t come to fulfillment as they envisioned. 

First trimester losses…

Second trimester losses…

Many haven’t been able to conceive at all. A lot of mommies haven’t held their baby yet.

So now that I’m in “mommy land” and have heard the stories…and walked with some friends through some real pain…I’m aware. I’m aware that not all wishes are granted. Sometimes hope isn’t so present. Sometimes fear and sorrow are a close companion.

So, I will never take a pregnancy for granted. 

And my thoughts are cluttered yet real…here they are…

I don’t know why I’ve been so “lucky”…”blessed”…”fortunate”…(I honestly don’t know what word to use sometimes)…

Why her? Why not me? She would be a wonderful mother. She’s a natural. Look at that longing in her heart. Jesus, you see it, don’t you? Your sweet daughter…her grief…you bore it on the cross…I know you did. So why? 

How do I serve her? Do I bring a meal? Do I write a note? Do I try to come up with something to say? Say nothing at all? Listen? Pray? Talk about the baby? Lots of questions. How do I be the friend she needs?

Friend, if you have been through deep grief, loss, fear, pain and you spend much time questioning…please know that I don’t really know what to say. 

Just this…

Beautiful girl,

You are seen. Your cries are being heard. You are not alone. Your Heavenly Father, He’s so good. Very, very good. He cares. He has a plan in the storms. I want you to know that as scary as the storm is…you are never ever ever alone. Keep hoping. Keep praying. Joy is coming. New days are dawning. You have not been forgotten. Jesus, well He thinks you are lovely, and worthy…and knows that “momma desire” deep in your heart. He put it there. He has a plan. Trust Him.

They say that struggle can make us stronger. I see that strength in you. It inspires me. Keep going.

And to the one who like myself hasn’t walked in those shoes:

Sweet girl, 

What you have…some would nearly die to have. Be so grateful. Your role matters, as her friend. Be there. Pray so so so diligently on her behalf. Believe when she doesn’t. Speak the promises of God over her. Let her be herself. Serve herbut mostly, just keep loving her.

Hope has a way of amazing us. Your Heavenly Father is hers also. We all fight a different battle…but with Him by our side it won’t overtake us. You are strong…so is she. You are even stronger together. 💚

With love,

Mindy

Joy Comes With The Mourning


Let me preface this post by saying, I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to share this with anyone. I wasn’t sure how I could handle it let alone opening up to anyone else about it, but I really felt the leading to share. So, here I am sharing a moment in time that I felt a little overwhelmed and had very conflicting emotions about…

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As I have stated in a past post called The Hope Chest I have been acquiring baby things here and there for the past few years. Diapers, bottles, onsies, wipes, etc. Just whatever stood out to me at the time I was at the store. Having just recently moved into a new house within the past few weeks, I was finally got the privilege to unpack that box of baby things in an actual nursery for my little baby that will be coming this December! It was so exciting, after almost 4 years of collecting these items, I finally had a reason to unpack them and put it all in a neatly organized closet for use in the very near future. Then, a very overwhelming moment came over me when I came across these items pictured above…

You see, these were the little onsies we used to announce to our family that we were pregnant the last 2 pregnancies. 

My heart stopped. My eyes filled with tears at the thought of what these tiny little baby clothes represented. I thought to myself, I would give anything to have those two precious babies back and meet them and hold them in my arms. But I knew that wouldn’t happen. 

I sat in the nursery for a few moments just thinking about who those two babies might have been. What they might have looked like, talked like, laughed like. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. But then the words to a worship song that we would sing in church a lot came to my head and made me realize that even though there were times of sorrow and pain, the Lord brings joy through those circumstances. The song, you may ask? 

Trading My Sorrows.

Some of the words that stuck out to me in this song go like this..

“I’m trading my sorrows

I’m trading my shame

I’m laying them down for the joy

of the Lord

I’m trading my sickness

I’m trading my pain

I’m laying them down for the joy the Lord”

*Then it goes on to say… 

“I am pressed but not crushed

persecuted not abandoned

Struck down but not destroyed

I am blessed beyond the curse for

his promise will endure

And his joy’s gonna be my

strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night

His joy comes with the morning.”

For some reason, when I thought of these words it calmed me. Even through mourning the loss of these precious babies, I could joy in the fact that God has it all under control. That His timing is perfect. That I have a perfectly healthy baby growing inside of me with an almost flawless pregnancy to go with it. And, that those little baby clothes, will no longer have to hide in a box. They will be used by this precious little rainbow baby. And that brings me more joy than any time of mourning can take from me.

Huh? What is a rainbow baby? (Is probably what some of you are thinking right now.) 

Well, I am glad you asked! 🙂 

A rainbow baby is a baby that was conceived and given birth to after a miscarriage or infant loss. The rainbow in the Bible was shown to Noah as a sign and promise that his family is blessed and that God would no longer bring such destruction on the world. So, a baby born after a storm of miscarriage or infant loss, is a blessing from God. A way that He shows He will always come through on His promises. It just may not be in a way that we thought it would. 

So, in everything you do, even during the hard times, always look for the joy that comes with the mourning. Always know that God has and will never turn His back on you. He loves you! You are always in my thoughts and prayers! 

Announcing…!!!


We have known for a while now, but I thought I would write a post announcing to all of you out there that follow my blog.

We are having a girl! 

To say we are excited would be an understatement. Children are such a blessing either way, but I am excited to bring on the pink and frills. My husband has not taken that bracelet off since. He is just a tad excited too. 😉

When we first walked into the ultrasound room that day, I felt so overwhelmed with emotion. Knowing we were going to be finding out the gender was exciting. Yet for some reason it was hard to believe that we had reached this far in the pregnancy to know what the gender was. My heart raced as I got up on the table with the anticipation of what was to come. I was so thankful that not only did my husband get to be there but so did my parents to join in the experience. 

The ultrasound tech put the wand on my belly, and there it was, plain as day. A baby girl! I wanted to cry. God is so good. 

We waited a few days to officially announce the news to our family and friends just to enjoy the little secret ourselves. And about a week later we announced the name…

Millie Anne 


Millie meaning Strength 

Anne meaning Merciful/Graceful

Our little one has already shown so much strength getting this far and through God’s ever present grace He has blessed us with this little one. 

Just hold on to your dreams. God is there. He is listening. His timing is perfect. 

Kristin’s Story

Recently, I had asked on my personal Facebook for anyone willing to share their infertility testimony for the blog. Shortly after, I heard from a friend of my parents saying she would be willing to share her story. I met Kristin in my short time living in Hawaii and my parents are still good friends with them. Here is her story in her own words. Be blessed by this testimony! 

Kristin wrote…

Infertility….still not an easy word to write and confess having to struggle with. My experience with infertility started in 2009, almost seven years ago. Some days it feels as if it never happened to us as a couple and other days I still feel the slight pain of having little control over my own body. I would first like to start off with saying how brave and proud of Vanessa I am. She is sharing her experience as she goes through it and I never felt strong enough to do that during my own journey. I felt alone, lost friendships, and struggled with both God and my husband; why couldn’t I become a Mom on my own terms? But I am on the other end of the tunnel now and can say without a doubt, that God had a greater plan than my own. When Vanessa asked for other’s stories, I felt like I was ready to share what I had gone through in order to bring comfort to others experiencing a similar situation. I relied heavily on hope through all of our struggles and at times it is all I had.  

To introduce myself, my name is Kristin and I am a mother of two adopted children. I am an adoptee myself, and always had a desire to adopt, but did not know exactly how that would look. So that takes us to 2009 and four years into our marriage. Like many young couples trying to conceive, we were told to give ourselves two years of trying naturally before we started any kind of treatment and so we did. Then two years came and went and I felt like there was a problem, but I was praying it was all in my head. It only took one visit to a fertility specialist to get a possible cause of our inability to conceive. As a couple we were not prime candidates, but I will speak of my own diagnosis since it is my testimony to share. When we had our first ultrasound, I was told I have a low ovarian reserve. A low ovarian reserve basically boils down to not having a large supply of eggs (you are born with all you have). At 24, I was told my egg count looked like that of a 42 year old. Not exactly what I was expecting at my age, this also meant fertility treatments might not work. You have to have numerous eggs in order for many of the treatments to even have a chance of working.  

So fast forward to our IUI and countless trips to the doctor, our first attempt failed. It was the most promising, ideal circumstances for our first procedure. When it failed our doctor told us our only real chance might be IVF, but it was unlikely due to not having enough eggs to fertilize. That day he did say he was glad we were considering adoption and thankfully for both of us we were open to it. IVF and adoption are far from cheap and we had to pray about where we wanted our savings to go to. God was giving me the push I needed to make adoption our way to grow our family. Similarly to IVF, adoption replaces needles with paperwork, hospitals with government offices, judgment of doctors and other patients with that of social workers, birthing classes with parenting classes, and includes the same stress of anxiously awaiting the unknown while displaying an outer shell of positivity and confidence. Adoption may not be a child born of your own blood, rather it is a child chosen by God that you are meant to parent. Our two children are not perfect, but they were perfectly created for us. I know that without a doubt.  

Worth the Wait

This is a phrase that I thought I would never say when it comes to our infertility journey and wanting to start our family. After close to 4 years of trying, both on our own and with medical help. I was probably one of the most impatient people when it came to wanting a baby. There were many nights that I would cry myself to sleep thinking about the fact that I may never be able to have kids of my own. Also the thought of the 2 little angels that I had already lost in the process. 

This past February, my husband just got out of the Army and we relocated to Central Florida. We had decided that with the move, transition, and new jobs we would just take a break from all fertility treatments and not even try on our own. At least for a few months anyway, until we could get settled. But God had other plans for us. 

In March we found out that we were pregnant! It was quite the shock and I honestly didn’t believe it at first. It wasn’t until I went to the doctor and got it confirmed there that I really believed it. After that appointment, it all started to sink in little by little. 

I AM GOING TO BE A MOM!

The first trimester, to say I was nervous, would be an understatement. After loosing my last two angels at about 6 weeks, every day to me was a victory. I was even thankful for my constant morning sickness and vomiting, because that meant that baby was growing like he/she should. 

I am now close to 17 weeks and have just recently started feeling little baby move and kick here and there. Those movements and flutters make me just beam every time. The reality of what is coming my way is just a joy to think about. Every little change that happens makes me smile. I just love this little one more than words can say. And feelings those movements and going through these changes, knowing what is to come in the very near future made every trial and waiting period worth it. 

It was all worth the wait. 

No matter what kind of ‘waiting’ that you are going through right now, allow yourself to grow and learn from it. I know that for me, having to go through all of this waiting with infertility has allowed me to open my eyes to others that may be hurting in ways that no one really thinks about in the day-to-day. It opened my eyes to a group of ladies that could really use the encouragement, support, and prayer that I could give to them and to you! I pray for each of you every day. Every time I see another view that came across my blog, I say a prayer for that person. That he/she will find hope in our story and never give up on their dreams just because those dreams might seem impossible at that moment. So just know…

You are loved. You are cherished. 

And,

It will all be worth the wait!

Pam’s Story

Pam is a family friend that has been friend’s with my mom’s parents since my mom was a little girl. Needless to say, I have known her and her husband Jerry my whole life. They are like a second family to me. Recently, Pam had read my blog post, “What’s in a name?.” This blog was the story about my husband and I’s first miscarriage and how we named that baby. After reading it, I received an email of her sharing her story about a miscarriage her and her husband went through and asked if I could share with all of you. I am just going to copy and paste the whole letter here. There is no other words I could say to better explain and show her heart. Be encouraged by her story…

Hi Vanessa,

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. I didn’t see your message until today and decided to write this as an attachment because of the length. I loved your blog about naming Jonathan. Your messages are about hope to the many women whose hearts are breaking because of infertility. You also express yourself beautifully and from the heart. The Lord is using you more than you know.

Several years after having our second son, Scott (goes by Spencer now), I found myself pregnant. We had used birth control, so this was quite a surprise. We were excited and I had never had any problems with pregnancy – other than the daily morning sickness. I was 3-4 months along when I started to spot. When I went to the doctor, he told me that they could no longer hear a heartbeat. They also wanted me to abort the pregnancy naturally, so I went home expecting this to happen soon.

 After a month, and no miscarriage, I went back to the doctor and pleaded with him to end the pregnancy. It was so devastating to carry this baby that no longer had life in his being. It took quite an emotional toll on both Jerry and me. I also felt that this was the little girl that would complete our family.

 A number of years later, I was thinking about the baby and decided to name her. I have always loved the name Rachel (innocent as a lamb), and so Rachel she became. When Jeff and Jannah were pregnant with their first child, they asked us to help pick out names. Jeff asked me what my favorite girls name was and I said “Rachel.” They discussed quite a few options and let us know their decision. Thus, our oldest granddaughter is named Raechel.  

 Not only do we have our Rachel in heaven, but our Raechel here on earth. She is a wonderful, young woman, with an innocence that is uncommon today. She just turned 21 and loves the Lord with her whole heart. We are so proud of her and couldn’t love her more!

 Many years ago, the Lord revealed a very special thing about our Rachel. He showed me that these babies who are miscarried will be waiting in heaven for their parents. We will spend eternity with these precious ones. They have souls, so I believe they will also have bodies. We will be able to o embrace them for the first and never-ending time.

 Sweet Vanessa, you and Brett have had quite a journey. Out of trial comes transformation. Your precious little Jonathan will be waiting for you with arms open wide. Your heartache will be exchanged for unimaginable joy and your tears for love and laughter.  

 You and Brett are precious to the Lord, and he knows your pain…He has also lost a Son!!! I’m praying that the Lord will perfectly knit together your cherished child. As it says in Psalms 139:13-16:

 Psalm 139:13 It was you who formed my internal organs, fashioning me within my mother’s

womb

Psa 139:15 My frame was not hidden from you while I was being crafted in a hidden place, knit

   together in the depths of the earth.

Psa 139:16 Your eyes looked upon my embryo, and everything was recorded in your book. The

   days scheduled for my formation were inscribed, even though not one of them had come yet.

 I will close with the fact that the Lord is carrying you during this time. The Footprints poem is so perfect. Hang in there, Honey. You have many people praying for all of you.

 

​Love n’ hugs, Pam

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Footprints  in the Sand Poem

By Mary Stevenson

One night I dreamed a dream.

As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,

One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,

I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,

especially at the very lowest and saddest times,

there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it. 

“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,

You’d walk with me all the way.

But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,

there was only one set of footprints.

I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”
He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you

Never, ever, during your trials and testings.

When you saw only one set of footprints,

It was then that I carried you.”

I’m What?!?! 


There it was. Plain as black and white. Written out with no denying it…

Pregnant!

To say I was shocked is an understatement. It was the last thing on my mind to see. After almost 4 years of “Not Pregnant” or just one pink line, I didn’t believe it. I had to take another test the next day to believe it. 

To back up a little bit. After about 3.5 years of trying on our own and with treatments (Read more about our infertility journey here)  we had decided in this transition period of getting out of the military and transitioning to another state, we were going to wait to try again until we got settled into our jobs and our new house was built and we were moved in and settled. But, God had other plans for us. And I am ok with that! 

But can I be real with you for a minute? 

My very first reaction when it all settled in wasn’t excitement, joy, or anything like that. My first thought that came to my head was, believe it or not, “here we go again.” And “let’s see how long this one lasts.”  Not really the reaction I wanted to have go through my mind. And I’m sure not what you would have expected from me either. 

Both of my other pregnancies ended exactly 5 days after finding out I was pregnant. So the first 5 days of this pregnancy was pretty nerve wracking to say the least. Pretty much pacing the floor. Praying to get through the day with no “scares.” After day 5 was over, that is when I started feeling the relief and excitement! As I am writing this I am only a few days away from 12 weeks! And everyday that we get closer to meeting this little one I count as a gift. Another day closer means it is another day closer to finally here a little voice call me “mommy.” And that will be music to my ears. 

God has a plan for my life that I didn’t expect. The timing of all of this is not anywhere near what my so-called “plans” we’re for our family. But I know that it is just perfect. No matter what you are waiting on, whether you suffer from infertility or waiting to hear back from a job interview, know that God is always in your corner. He is there, ready to hold you up and carry you through this time of waiting. So don’t give up hope! Don’t give into the lies that He doesn’t care. He does! 

And know that I am here for each of you too! Feel free to contact me with any prayer requests and I would love to pray along with you. Email me at fertileatheart@gmail.com or contact me through my Facebook page. 

Torie & Noah

imageHere is another great testimony of God’s Faithfulness. I met Torie through friend’s while my husband was deployed. We ended up getting referred to the same fertility doctor and developed such a close relationship spending countless hours going back and forth to the clinic that was an hour away for our appointments. A friendship I will cherrish forever! She also has a blog about her journey to mommyhood. Feel free to click here to check her blog.

Written by Torie:

I’ve been where you’re sitting, and if you’re brave and strong enough to read this I have to give you big kudos! I know the bitter sweetness that comes with reading other infertile women’s success stories. While it can give you hope, questions also begin filling your mind, “Yes you got your baby, but will I ever get mine?” “Will we have to pursue that extensive treatment?” Our stories may differ, but sweet sister, please know that you’re not sitting there alone, with your heart aching, looking for hope. I was where you are just a few months ago, and what you feel now, you will never forget.

Since I could tote around a baby doll, I was “Mama.” In fact, I’d be embarrassed to admit this face to face but since I have a gut feeling you could probably relate, growing up, I was “Mama” to my pet hamsters too. At least, I was Mama in my heart. For the thousand times you’re asked throughout childhood, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
My answer never wavered, a wife and mom. That was it. After graduating high school, I chose not to attend college because I couldn’t justify spending $40,000 on a degree that would take me away from my passion, my life long dream, and my future career as Mom.

A few months before our wedding, I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and my biggest fear of knowing I may not be able to physically bare children, became a reality. After our first year of marriage, my husband Noah and I decided to start trying to grow our family. I was thankful that we knew going in, we may have a long hard road ahead of us and I hoped that that would cut out a lot of guesswork if we didn’t get pregnant right away. Needless to say, I am all for proactive medical testing and strongly believe you have to be your own best advocate! Not long after we began trying I approached my doctor and asked if with my diagnosis we could be sent to a fertility specialist. We were told no, we’d still have to try for the standard one year requirement and if we didn’t succeed we’d revisit the idea. I was furious and honestly felt defeated when we’d only just begun. Doors were shutting in our face, but then by some miracle and the grace of God, a few days after Christmas we received a letter from our insurance saying our request had been approved and we’d be sent to a Reproductive Endocrinologist an hour away from home. With more blood tests, more ultrasounds, and a couple tests for Noah we were told our odds of conceiving naturally were a mere 5%.

In February of 2015 we tried our first medicated cycle a combination of Femara, Follistim, Ovidrel and Progesterone with half a dozen ultrasounds throughout the month. After a negative pregnancy test I’d start a month on birth control to get rid of the left over cysts from the failed cycle, before we could try again. We did this 4 times and with each consecutive cycle I felt more and more hurt, hopeless, and angry. Fertility treatments ruled our lives and I wasn’t any closer to earning the deeply coveted title of Mommy. The truth of it was, compared to most couples fighting infertility, we hadn’t been in the battle long. I felt guilty and ashamed for being so heartbroken so soon when we had close friends that had been at this for years. But these friends did something monumental, they validated my feelings and that was exactly what I needed. Whether you’ve been fighting infertility for months or years, the heartache is the same. For so many this journey is incredibly isolating. When we began to share our struggle, we discovered what an incredible support system we had around us, and oh how that revolutionized our outlook! We were struggling, but we were not alone! There were family and friends around the world praying with us for our baby! By July we had to move on and decided to try an IUI cycle with higher doses of the same medications. Our odds with IUI weren’t much better so we held onto hope but spent the majority of the month researching and preparing for our plan #6, IVF, in case the IUI failed. I liked having a back up plan and knowing what our next step would be, eliminating any chance to wallow after a negative test and instead move forward in hope. IUI didn’t work for us, but because we had prepared for that outcome, we were able to jump into IVF without missing a beat. If you’ve undergone fertility treatment, you know that you can only try one method for so long before moving onto the next more invasive option. Pursuing IVF meant putting it all on the line, setting aside our financial goals and taking on more debt. I never thought we’d have to go that far, but if it would give us the family we’d longed for, it would be worth it. God gave us 13 embryos from our IVF procedure and we implanted the first two embryos November 2nd 2015. We’ve never been filled with so much hope and so much anxiety.

God answered our prayers on day 501, one of our embryos stuck, and we will be meeting our sweet baby girl, Everlee Joy, this July! I promise sweet sister, if it can happen for us, it can happen for you. Keep knocking on those doors until God opens the right one for you.

156+ injections
6,000+ miles of driving to and from doctors appointments
Countless tears shed… To feel this sweet girl kicking me from the inside as I write this to you… totally worth it all.

“Lord you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.” Isaiah 25:1

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Morgan & Josh

img_0279Here is the first of many testimonies of God’s faithfulness in the journey through infertility! Morgan and Josh are good friends of mine, and we walked through infertility together. It is always nice to have a support system to walk with you during difficult times. Morgan was willing to write out her story to share with you all and I am so grateful that she did! I hope their story encourages you!

My husband Josh and I married in June of 2011. We had decided that we were going to wait to start our family until he was done with graduate school. He finished in the Spring of 2012 so we decided to start “trying” that winter. I went to my doctor and talked about what our plans were. He suggested getting off birth control right away so my body could regulate out so I did. My body did not regulate well. We tried for a couple of months before Josh left for basic training with no success.

Josh left for training so I decided to focus on eating well and exercising so I could be ready, to my dismay, I had not had a period for 4 months, I know tmi, at this point I was starting to worry that something was wrong, so I made an appointment to see my doctor. The appointment did not go well, after an ultrasound and blood tests I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and a septum in my uterus. They told me that I would most likely have to have help getting pregnant if I would be able to at all. I was put on progesterone to regulate my periods for health reasons and metformin to help reduce the Ovarian cysts. When Josh and I were reunited for longer than a few days at a time we started up again. Months went by and nothing. Every negative pregnancy test was heart wrenching. Not to mention the side effects of the progesterone making me irritable and the metformin making me feel sluggish. Needless to say our marriage was strained. We went to see a gynecologist in Aug of 2013 and he told us we had to “try” for a year before he could do anything. That was not what I wanted to hear. He did take me off of my medicine which helped me feel better physically but emotionally I was a wreck. My heart was hurting and my husband didn’t know how to help.

Fast forward one year in July 2014 I had only had maybe 4 periods since my last visit, my doctor puts me on clomid and performed an ultrasound to which he said my ovaries looked like Swiss cheese due to all the cysts. With a new found hope that these drugs would work we set out on our journey again with no success. Each cycle was a failure and the medicine was increased each time.

Then the news came the Josh was deploying and we didn’t know for how long. I felt like God was against us and that our dreams of being parents would never come to fruition.

When I found out that Josh would be getting back sooner than expected I went back to my doctor which put me back on clomid. He then told me that if this cycle did not work that we would have to be sent to a fertility clinic for further treatment. That scared me because we did not want to do those kinds of treatments and we didn’t know if we would have been able to afford it.

Now, I must back track a little. In September of 2014 we had been actively trying for almost two years. We were both broken hearted and wanted to grow our family. Josh comes to me with the idea of adoption. I had thought about it a little before but needed time to process my feelings and come to terms with the possibility that I may never be able to physically bare a child. After a few weeks of thinking and praying I decided that adoption would be the right course of action for us over more invasive procedures such as IVF.

We did our research and talked to many agencies and found one that we felt comfortable with. We got the paper work and filled it all out. Now let me tell you, that was a lot of paper work. There is a lot involved when adopting a child.

So there we were on our last cycle of clomid. I remember picking it up and the pharmacy tech said good luck to me. I don’t know why but it struck me wrong, maybe it was because at this point I was just going through the motions, I didn’t believe that that cycle was going to work. So we went through the cycle and I went in for my ultrasound to see if I had eggs about to release and I did, 3 to be precise. I left with so much hope. I waited the 10 days and took a pregnancy test and was broken hearted when it was negative. That was a Friday. Over the weekend we gathered all of the adoption papers to submit them on Tuesday since I had class on Monday.

Monday night I almost fell asleep in class. I stopped on the way home to get a pregnancy test to make sure I wasn’t pregnant before starting a medication that you cannot take while pregnant. I get home and take it not thinking anything of it because I knew it was just a precaution. I looked down as the color ran across the window and there was a line. It was a line I had never seen before. I checked the box to make sure. There it was! The long awaited line that meant I was pregnant! I ran out to Josh and practically forced the test in his hands for him to look at. We both cried from excitement. The next day I went into the clinic to take their test, just to be sure and it too was positive!

We decided to not submit the papers to adopt not knowing what was to come. It is still in our hearts to adopt and we will some day. Anyways, in Dec of 2015 our handsome little boy was born and we were in love from the moment we laid eyes on him. Evan is our miracle baby and is loved so greatly.