Gone but Not Forgotten 

Pregnancy loss. 

Miscarriage.

Still Birth.

Infant loss.

1 in 4 couples experience horrifying news such as these when growing their families. 1 in 4 couples grieve the loss of a child they love so dear, yet never met…Or only met for a short while. 

25%. That is a tremendous amount of people having to say goodbye too soon. 

The month of October is set aside to bring awareness to this heartfelt issue.  An issue that my husband and I know so well. Through the 4 years in which we struggled with infertility, we lost 2 precious babies in miscarriage. 2 little lives I have never meet yet I think about them daily. How my oldest would have turned 4 this past March. And how I would have three little ones running around bringing such joy to our home. 

The thoughts are always there. The pain has left a mark that is hard to hide at times. Inwardly, my emotions scream with “whys”. Why me? Why this child? Why now? I may never know. Outwardly? I put a smile on and, for the most part, most people have no idea what we have gone through, unless they follow my blog. 

I am not as open about the issue in public/in person as I am here.  Maybe because it’s just easier to write out my thoughts than to speak them. But I do feel as though these things should not be held in completely. 

To those of you who may be reading this are have had the heartache and pain of loosing a child too soon. Know that I am praying for you. I am here for you. You are always in my thoughts. The pain and heartache may never go away. But it gets manageable. And, God? He has His arms wrapped around you to comfort you more than you know. Feel free to share your story. With me. With a friend. We should never forget the precious lives we carried. Even if it was for a short while. 

My husband and I are truly blessed with our little rainbow baby, Millie Anne. She is our miracle gift from God. She brightens my day with her smile and brings such joy to those around her. We love her to pieces! But, even with such a gift it will never wipe away the memory I have for my other two babies. What it does do, however is make me understand and realize how precious life really is. God has blessed each of us with our own life and that in and of itself is a gift to be cherished. 

( I wrote a blog post with the story behind each miscarriage. Click the titles to read more. When Happy Places Turn sad And What’s in a name?

If you would like to share here on my blog feel free to email me your testimony at fertileatheart@gmail.com and let me know if I am free to share it. 

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1st Year in Review: Trusting God and Answered Prayers

Right around a year ago, I started this blog. And boy what a year it has been. 

I thought I would take a moment to look back on what all has gone on in that amount of time. What prayers have been answered and what we have had to trust God for every day.  

When I started this blog last March, my husband, Brett, and I were just coming through a major transition. Brett had just gotten out of the military the month before and we had moved to Florida and both started new jobs at Disney. We were also in the process of building and buying a house. (Which, if you haven’t ever done that before, it can be a pretty stressful process.) After a miscarriage the October before and with the anticipation of the up coming move, our journey to starting a family was put on hold until we could get settled here in Florida. 

Even though we were not actively “trying” I really needed an outlet to be able to process all that had happened with our infertility journey and be able to answer questions a lot of my friends and family were asking pertaining to the subject. I thought what better way to do that than a blog. So I sat down and put this blog together. To help encourage others who may be going through similar situations and to keep everyone up to date on our story. 

In the mean time, there were plenty of prayers and tears by myself and my husband not really know where to go from here. Multiple failed fertility cycles, 2 miscarriages, and no real hope for anything happening in the future. We were crushed inside. 

Then the miraculous happened…

About a month after I started this blog, I found out I was pregnant! To say I was shocked would be an understatement! After all we went through for the past 4 years, we get pregnant without any form of treatments or tracking. All I can say is God can do anything, and one of the biggest things I had been praying for had finally been answered. I was going to be a mom. 

Now, with that news as excited as we were, I did have a thought. “What am I going to do about this blog I just started a month ago to help encourage people going through infertility?” “The last thing they are going to want read about is that yet another person got pregnant and they didn’t.” 

But something inside me said to keep it going. To encourage others of answered prayers. That is when I also started adding testimonies and stories of others who are walking this road as well. Making this a community. And what a rewarding journey this has been! Reading couples’ stories and being able to share them has brought so much joy to my life. And the response of others has been amazing. I am so thankful I kept this going and I hope you all have been encouraged by it as well. 

This past year since starting the blog we have gotten pregnant, had our beautiful baby girl, moved into our own home, my husband started his Master’s degree program, and we started up as the youth pastors at our church. Phew! Through all of this I can’t help but praise God in the crazy. I am ready to see what this next year will bring. How about you?! 

(Side note: if you have a story you would like to share on this blog, feel free to email me at fertileatheart@gmail.com!) 

Kim’s Story: Secondary Infertility 

Time for another testimony through infertility. This time, secondary infertility. Kim and I met in collage and have stayed in touch through the years. I hope that her story will encourage anyone out there who may have a similar story to not give up and keep trusting that God will hear your prayers in the perfect timing. 


Written by Kim:

My husband and I have been married 7 years, 7, Wow REALLY? Sometimes I can’t believe it’s only been 7 years. We’ve been through a myriad of struggles, and health concerns in just 7 short years. In those 7 years my husband lost his brother, had a stroke, we lost a child due to miscarriage and learned that we will likely not be able to have any more children, well naturally that is. We have one daughter that was born in 2012 she is, spunky, fiery and so smart, I am in awe that she is as smart as she is, at such a young age. When we got married I always knew we would adopt, but I didn’t know that it would become one of our only options at such a young age and that I would be facing secondary infertility, the inability to have children after one child, at all.

So lets start at the beginning, We got married in 2010, YAY! It was a wonderful wedding followed by a fabulous year of us. I found out I was pregnant on our 1st anniversary trip around Pennsylvania to visit family and to show off my home state, which is the BEST. We were thrilled, well beyond thrilled, I couldn’t wait to welcome our little girl into the world. She was born a health but tiny 4 pounds 7 oz she was a spitfire from the start. I was so excited to have her, and since I was able to stay home with her J and I decided to keep our kiddos close together and we started trying not to prevent pregnancy when she was 6 months old. I figured it would happen within the first 6 months or so, like it did the first time, well it didn’t but we found ourselves in the hospital that Jan 1st J had a stroke New Years Eve and he was in the ICU for about a week relearning to walk, and talk. We were so lucky, his stroke was minor but it was caused by high blood pressure, which apparently he had for quite some time, but never was treated. So we were now treating his blood pressure and his heart anomalies and we were good back to baby #2. On Jan 1st of the next year we found ourselves in the hospital again, I was miscarrying and we were crushed. 

Fast Forward to now we have been trying for almost 5 years for baby #2, we decided to enter a clinical trial to help us get some of our fertility testing done so we wouldn’t have to pay out of pocket so much. Man, fertility treatments and testing are outrageously expensive, what the heck people!! Anyway we found out that some of the medications are affecting J’s count, and it has become almost non-existent, in that there are very few if any alive and most of those don’t move. So alright lets talk to our GP he can change up the medications and no worries we’ll be cracking. The GP where he is nice and very understanding, he had some pretty bad news for us. The medication causing the problems not one we can discontinue, likely ever with J’s family medical history and the stroke. 

So lets talk about the serious blow this was. I mean I don’t know any other words to describe it than I lost hope, all of it, I cried, I blamed God, I even felt like a total failure. I kept thinking wow maybe I am not a good enough mom and that’s why we can’t have another baby, maybe I am being punished for something, maybe God has just forgotten me, and to be honest these thought still creep up A LOT! It is so hard to have faith when we’ve been waiting, for an adoption for 3 years or anther pregnancy for 5. It’s also hard to confide in others, because most people don’t really know what to say, or they say really hurtful/unhelpful things, especially since we already have one child. I hear most often, mostly from women who are suffering from traditional infertility, you have one just be happy with her, don’t you know we can’t have any. I know I am blessed with E she is seriously the best thing I have ever done but it doesn’t erase the desire to see her grow up with siblings. We’ve always wanted at least 4 kiddos, and I am still hopeful we will adopt several, or have a few more. I find on my hardest days to tell God exactly how I am feeling, when J lost his brother he said the most helpful was to tell God he was mad, upset, and angry about what happened. That has been the most helpful thing to me as well. Also saying NO, to things I am not ready for, sometimes it’s a baby shower, or holding someone’s baby or even tv shows. Also telling people when they say something hurtful or unhelpful, my mom whom I love to death, has told me ‘maybe it’s just not your time.’ where is maybe right that is so unhelpful and it can be hard to have to tell our loved ones, please don’t say that, it will be better for everyone’s sanity if you do.   

 

This whole thing has been a hard one to come to grips with, but I think I am finally ready to say I am suffering from secondary infertility but I will not allow that to steal my joy. My joy in motherhood, my joy in my marriage, my joy in my Savior, or my joy in my everyday life. God truly does know our storm, and knows how to calm our fears, doubts, and hurts. He knows and is always with us.

To My “One in a Millie Anne”

Dearest Millie, 

You are so precious to me. Your father and I have prayed for you and your little life long before you were even conceived. Praying for you to come. Praying for the person you would become. Praying that you would one day be a world changer. 

Now that you are here in my arms it takes my breath away to see the goodness of God’s love in your little face. 

As you grow and learn about the world around you, just remember to always be yourself and that your daddy and I will always love you. We will always be here for you. Chase your dreams. Don’t hold back. You will do incredible things with those dreams! 

I pray everyday that God will show himself to you in His own special way that will guide you to His plan for your life. This life is never easy, but keep your eyes focused on the Lord and He will always be with you through everything. 

You are my world. You are the one who made me “mommy.” My “One in a Millie Anne.” 

I love you dearly, 

Mommy 

A Labor of Love


48 Hours…

That is how long my labor and delivery lasted…48 hours.

I ended up having to be induced because of multiple reasons. This was not a good start for my “ideal” labor and delivery I had dreamed of having. I was 10 days past my due date with no end in sight. I had no dilation or effacement and so for that and a few other reasons we had to resort to the induction process. 

But that was ok. As long as our baby was coming out healthy I wanted to do what was best.

Dec 20, 2016. 5:00pm

At this time we showed up to the hospital to start the process and get the medications going that were needed to induce the labor. The first medicine was a cervix softening medication that was to be given for 12 hours and was to jump start the dilation before the Pitocin was started. After 12 hours of continuous mild contractions, and a very restless nights sleep, the doctor came in and checked me. 

Dec 21, 2016. 7:00am
No dilation, no effacement.

They were expecting medication to dilate me to at least 3cm by that point with no such results. So, the Pitocin was going to have to do all the work. Thus, the Pitocin was started and we were off for the hardest part…so I thought. 

Dec 21, 2016. 7:30pm

After hours of grueling contractions that were literally off the chart on the monitors, I was checked again and was only dilated to 3cm by this point. The 3cm that I was supposed to be dilated at the end of the first 12 hours there. The pain levels were so intense that I could hardly breath and the contractions were back to back. My goal and yet another dream of doing it without pain medications was going the window with every contraction that came on. Being that I was only at 3cm by this point, I knew that contractions were only going to get worse. So in the end I did end up with an epidural that was probably my life saver. 

One thing that I didn’t even think about with having an epidural, is the fact that since you are numb, there is no way to move, so the nursing staff had to come in and rotate me side to side every hour or so. Talk about no sleep that night. But at least there was no pain involved so I was thankful for that. 

Dec 22, 2016. Morning time. (I don’t remember the exact time)

The medical staff came in and did the morning check. I was finally dilated to about 8cm I think. It was a relief to see progress. At that time as well, they broke my water. More progress. Yay. 

Dec 22, 2016. 12:00pm

At this time I was checked and fully ready. 10cm dilated, 100% effaced.

The time had come to start pushing! That was a somewhat scary moment for me in many ways. I suddenly had thoughts going through my head that I never imagined would be there during that moment. Thoughts like, “Is this really happening?” “Am I even ready for all of this to happen?” “Am I really ready to be a mom?”  

In that moment I knew my life was about to change forever and there was no going back. I am no longer that girl that had dreamed of being a mom her whole life with no end in sight. I am no longer that wife that had been trying for what seemed like eternity to a baby with no success of treatments. I am now about to be a mom. A title that had seemed so far out of reach that I wasn’t sure it would ever be in my life. But we still had one hurdle to get over. The actual pushing part.

The next 5 hours was the hardest and most exhausting thing that I have ever done. They were even saying that after all the hours I had gone through with labor that I might end having to have a c-section if the baby wouldn’t come out faster. But every time they checked her, she had moved just enough more down the birth canal that would let me keep pushing a little bit longer. Making the total pushing time about 5 hours.

In the end though, her shoulder was stuck behind my hip bone. So, yet another item I was not wanting to happen, happened. They had to use the suction cup on her head to get her out. I ended up with a fourth degree tear and countless stitches. 

Dec 22,2016. 5:13pm

Millie Anne Gilbertson was born. Weighing in at 8 pounds and 20 3/4 inches long. 

Due to the nature of my tear and the repair work that needed to be done, I was not that first one to get to hold her. But my husband was. And what a sight it was. It made me fall in love with him all over again. He is such a proud dad. 

As traumatic of an even as this experience was, and having absolutely none of it go as I wanted it to or had planned, I would do it all over again for her. For my little rainbow baby. She is a dream that has come true and an answer to a prayer that has been prayed since I was about 14 years old. There are a few details here and there that I have left out for the sake of not boring you all to death. Just know that even through the most difficult times, God will get you through. 

He got me through the time of infertility. He got me through this pregnancy. And, He got me through a very tough labor and delivery. He is always there. All of this experience has stretched me, grown me, and brought to a place where I am stronger than I have ever been. Don’t give up! He is there!

Ready and Waiting

Just over a week until my little rainbow baby will be in my arms! A miracle that my husband and I have tried for over 4 years to see come to pass will be wrapped in a blanket all sweet and ready for mommy and daddy cuddles. 

I am so ready.

I am “patiently” waiting. ( ok, let’s be honest, patience in this case is a little hard to come by, but I am trying! 😉)

Our journey to this point has been full of ups and downs. Times of doubt that maybe we weren’t meant to be parents. At least not in the traditional sense. I questioned my motives, a lot of the time. Thinking that maybe I was just being selfish for wanting to have my own biological kids and not moving on to other “options.” But then I kept going back to a dream that God gave back when I was 14 that I was to be a mother. That would be my number one calling in life, to raise my kids to live for Christ. 

Needless to say, every time I thought about that dream, I would pick myself back up again and keep plugging away towards this calling that I had on my life. And God came through in the most unexpected way! And it was at a time in my life that I thought maybe I should just give up, just be a “mom” in a different sense. God truly gave us the biggest gift that I could have ever asked for.

I am ready.

I am waiting.

It was almost 4 years exactly from the point we started trying to have a family to when we found out about this precious gift we had been blessed with. That is a good amount of time in and of itself to be wanting something so dear. But, for me personally, my waiting started back when I was 14. I am now 28. 14 years of waiting, praying, hoping, and trusting God for something he had placed on my heart as a child. 14 years of knowing that it would happen…eventually, but not knowing when was the hard part. Seeing couples that just got married get pregnant all around me and I am still over here not knowing when my time would be. At this time..

I was ready.

I was waiting.

For pretty much any sign that God was even there to bring this dream to a reality. At least through all of this, I didn’t realize what was going on around me. How much I was growing. The people that I was meeting through the process. Friendship bonds that were forming with other ladies that were going through the same treatments, the same emotions, or the same struggles that I was going through. It wasn’t until my eyes were opened up to this around me that I realized that maybe I wasn’t as ready as I thought. I wasn’t waiting on God’s timing as well as I thought I was. I was wanting my timing not His. I took a deep breath that day and closed my eyes and prayed…

I am ready for Your will.

I am waiting on Your timing.

And my whole perspective shifted to God focused from self focused. From that moment until we received this gift, was a little over a year. So it didn’t happen overnight. I still had some waiting to do. However, this time of waiting was done focusing on my husband and our relationship and relationships with the friends around us. Now…

I was ready.

I was waiting,

In such a freeing way that I could not explain. A peace that was given to me from God himself. 

So, after 14 years of waiting on a dream that God had given me as a child, we are in the home stretch of receiving that blessing. 

Sweet sister, 

God has a plan and purpose for all of us. It may not seem like it all the time, but He does. There will be days of doubt. Days of emotional overload. Days of feeling like you are alone through this process. Know that you are not alone! God is there for you to call on and know that I am praying for you everyday. Never give into the lies that are put at you that you are not good enough, because you are! You are the daughter of a King in heaven and He has his arms wrapped around you all the time, holding you close. 

For Every Woman


I reached out to a sweet friend from college, Mindy, and asked her to guest post on my blog. What I got back was something written so beautifully that it really doesn’t need much introduction except that I believe that every woman out there, whether or not you struggle with infertility or not, should read it. Be encouraged. So, without further ado…

In Mindy’s words…

They say 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. That’s 2 in 10 women. 

Friends, that’s a lot. 

As a little girl I dreamed of one day being 3 things. A Jesus follower, a wife and a mother.

I’ve served Jesus since I was 5. I was married at 20. My first baby came when I was 24. My second baby came when I was 27. I’m currently carrying my third due in 4.5 months…I’ll be 29. 

Jesus. A husband and 3 babies. 

Although challenging days come, I can’t express how thankful I am. In fact, “thankfulness” is the theme of this pregnancy.

Because, I’ve had friends whose stories have been unlike mine. The dreams they carried didn’t come to fulfillment as they envisioned. 

First trimester losses…

Second trimester losses…

Many haven’t been able to conceive at all. A lot of mommies haven’t held their baby yet.

So now that I’m in “mommy land” and have heard the stories…and walked with some friends through some real pain…I’m aware. I’m aware that not all wishes are granted. Sometimes hope isn’t so present. Sometimes fear and sorrow are a close companion.

So, I will never take a pregnancy for granted. 

And my thoughts are cluttered yet real…here they are…

I don’t know why I’ve been so “lucky”…”blessed”…”fortunate”…(I honestly don’t know what word to use sometimes)…

Why her? Why not me? She would be a wonderful mother. She’s a natural. Look at that longing in her heart. Jesus, you see it, don’t you? Your sweet daughter…her grief…you bore it on the cross…I know you did. So why? 

How do I serve her? Do I bring a meal? Do I write a note? Do I try to come up with something to say? Say nothing at all? Listen? Pray? Talk about the baby? Lots of questions. How do I be the friend she needs?

Friend, if you have been through deep grief, loss, fear, pain and you spend much time questioning…please know that I don’t really know what to say. 

Just this…

Beautiful girl,

You are seen. Your cries are being heard. You are not alone. Your Heavenly Father, He’s so good. Very, very good. He cares. He has a plan in the storms. I want you to know that as scary as the storm is…you are never ever ever alone. Keep hoping. Keep praying. Joy is coming. New days are dawning. You have not been forgotten. Jesus, well He thinks you are lovely, and worthy…and knows that “momma desire” deep in your heart. He put it there. He has a plan. Trust Him.

They say that struggle can make us stronger. I see that strength in you. It inspires me. Keep going.

And to the one who like myself hasn’t walked in those shoes:

Sweet girl, 

What you have…some would nearly die to have. Be so grateful. Your role matters, as her friend. Be there. Pray so so so diligently on her behalf. Believe when she doesn’t. Speak the promises of God over her. Let her be herself. Serve herbut mostly, just keep loving her.

Hope has a way of amazing us. Your Heavenly Father is hers also. We all fight a different battle…but with Him by our side it won’t overtake us. You are strong…so is she. You are even stronger together. 💚

With love,

Mindy

Joy Comes With The Mourning


Let me preface this post by saying, I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to share this with anyone. I wasn’t sure how I could handle it let alone opening up to anyone else about it, but I really felt the leading to share. So, here I am sharing a moment in time that I felt a little overwhelmed and had very conflicting emotions about…

—————————–

As I have stated in a past post called The Hope Chest I have been acquiring baby things here and there for the past few years. Diapers, bottles, onsies, wipes, etc. Just whatever stood out to me at the time I was at the store. Having just recently moved into a new house within the past few weeks, I was finally got the privilege to unpack that box of baby things in an actual nursery for my little baby that will be coming this December! It was so exciting, after almost 4 years of collecting these items, I finally had a reason to unpack them and put it all in a neatly organized closet for use in the very near future. Then, a very overwhelming moment came over me when I came across these items pictured above…

You see, these were the little onsies we used to announce to our family that we were pregnant the last 2 pregnancies. 

My heart stopped. My eyes filled with tears at the thought of what these tiny little baby clothes represented. I thought to myself, I would give anything to have those two precious babies back and meet them and hold them in my arms. But I knew that wouldn’t happen. 

I sat in the nursery for a few moments just thinking about who those two babies might have been. What they might have looked like, talked like, laughed like. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. But then the words to a worship song that we would sing in church a lot came to my head and made me realize that even though there were times of sorrow and pain, the Lord brings joy through those circumstances. The song, you may ask? 

Trading My Sorrows.

Some of the words that stuck out to me in this song go like this..

“I’m trading my sorrows

I’m trading my shame

I’m laying them down for the joy

of the Lord

I’m trading my sickness

I’m trading my pain

I’m laying them down for the joy the Lord”

*Then it goes on to say… 

“I am pressed but not crushed

persecuted not abandoned

Struck down but not destroyed

I am blessed beyond the curse for

his promise will endure

And his joy’s gonna be my

strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night

His joy comes with the morning.”

For some reason, when I thought of these words it calmed me. Even through mourning the loss of these precious babies, I could joy in the fact that God has it all under control. That His timing is perfect. That I have a perfectly healthy baby growing inside of me with an almost flawless pregnancy to go with it. And, that those little baby clothes, will no longer have to hide in a box. They will be used by this precious little rainbow baby. And that brings me more joy than any time of mourning can take from me.

Huh? What is a rainbow baby? (Is probably what some of you are thinking right now.) 

Well, I am glad you asked! 🙂 

A rainbow baby is a baby that was conceived and given birth to after a miscarriage or infant loss. The rainbow in the Bible was shown to Noah as a sign and promise that his family is blessed and that God would no longer bring such destruction on the world. So, a baby born after a storm of miscarriage or infant loss, is a blessing from God. A way that He shows He will always come through on His promises. It just may not be in a way that we thought it would. 

So, in everything you do, even during the hard times, always look for the joy that comes with the mourning. Always know that God has and will never turn His back on you. He loves you! You are always in my thoughts and prayers! 

Announcing…!!!


We have known for a while now, but I thought I would write a post announcing to all of you out there that follow my blog.

We are having a girl! 

To say we are excited would be an understatement. Children are such a blessing either way, but I am excited to bring on the pink and frills. My husband has not taken that bracelet off since. He is just a tad excited too. 😉

When we first walked into the ultrasound room that day, I felt so overwhelmed with emotion. Knowing we were going to be finding out the gender was exciting. Yet for some reason it was hard to believe that we had reached this far in the pregnancy to know what the gender was. My heart raced as I got up on the table with the anticipation of what was to come. I was so thankful that not only did my husband get to be there but so did my parents to join in the experience. 

The ultrasound tech put the wand on my belly, and there it was, plain as day. A baby girl! I wanted to cry. God is so good. 

We waited a few days to officially announce the news to our family and friends just to enjoy the little secret ourselves. And about a week later we announced the name…

Millie Anne 


Millie meaning Strength 

Anne meaning Merciful/Graceful

Our little one has already shown so much strength getting this far and through God’s ever present grace He has blessed us with this little one. 

Just hold on to your dreams. God is there. He is listening. His timing is perfect. 

Halfway to My Dream!

Wow! I am right around 20 weeks! How could this even be possible? Something that I thought was not in the near future for us or even at all happened out of no where and we are already half way through this pregnancy! At times it doesn’t even seem real. Like it’s all a dream and I am about to wake up from it. But then in the same breath, I am know it’s real. I know that God has truly blessed us with this miracle and am ready now more than ever to hold my little angel in my arms and be a mother. 

We halfway to the biggest life changing event to ever happen to me and my husband and we are on cloud nine. To summarize the first half of this crazy adventure here is a a quick overview…

-At the very beginning: when I decided to just take a home pregnancy test “just for the heck of it” and it was positive, I thought that I was going insane! I got another one just to make sure, and then low and behold, there it was clear as day. That was when I set out to find a OB as soon as possible to confirm the test. 

I found one that was covered by my insurance and the soonest they could get me in was on the fifth day after I took the at home test. This was a little scary to me because the last 2 pregnancies I miscarried on the fifth day after finding out we were pregnant. But it was confirmed and we were off to a great and healthy start! 

-Week 12: Up until this point, everything was uneventful. Checkups were good. Ultrasound good. Nothing to be concerned about whatsoever. Then while I was at work one night, I got a sudden sharp abdominal pain that I ended up leaving work early and went to the ER. In an ultrasound, They found bleeding in my uterus which could be nothing but could also be an early sign of miscarriage. This scared me to death. The doctor put me on bed rest for a week and my follow up was all clear and everything was back to normal. Thank you Jesus! 

-Week 19: Another uneventful few weeks leading up to probably the worst back pain that I have ever had in my life. I called my OB office and talked to a nurse and she told me there really isn’t anything that they could do about it. All the treatments that are done for that kind of back pain I couldn’t do because, you guessed it, I am pregnant. But, she did say that I could go to a chiropractor as a pregnant person and referred me to one that they send there patients too. And now, about 3 days later, almost no back pain! The Chiropractor said I had a displaced nerve that was causing the pain. Now the nerve is back in place and I am functioning once again. 

-Week 20: Week 20 officially starts this Monday! 5 months! Really! I can only give thanks and credit to the Lord for this gift. And I couldn’t be happier. 

Although the waiting was and is hard, I learned a lot in the process. About myself. About my husband and our relationship. About God and His perfect timing for everything. All those lessons I would not trade for the world. Going through the journey of infertility also brought me into a world that I knew very little about. That I didn’t really think much about at all. This community of ladies are truly a blessing and encouraging and I wouldn’t trade anything for the opportunity to get to know, encourage, and love on every person that reads this blog. Something I wouldn’t have if I didn’t go through what I went through.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want to yell and scream from the rooftops how excited I am for everyday that I have with my little one growing inside me. One day closer. One more day with no problems. It’s pretty exciting! 

Be encouraged sweet sister, as you go through your own unique journey to becoming a mommy and holding that sweet child in your arms, that you too WILL reach this point. After close to 4 years for us, I didn’t think it would even happen and it did. You are closer to your dream than you know. God is there with you to help you through and so am I. Don’t loose sight of that.